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Sunday, February 12, 2012

live to regret

I am so done trying to be creative! My moments of inspiration, that spark that switches on people's lights is just a spark for me-it switches on no lights and I'm left sitting in the dark. Every new year, no every darn day i resolve to make it better. On nights when I sleep before tomorrow, my dreams are laced with hopes of a productive day. But the morning does not see me change for the better. And most of my nights are after dawn when I've already trespassed on the novelty of the day and trampled on the promises it holds. So i have lived to regret-

-that I have had a handful of failed relationships just because i got too bored to make the effort.

-that most of my personal projects end up being neglected/unfinished/forgotten..and that includes this blog, my two never-picked-up PhD registrations and the many diaries with enough blank pages to make a new one.

-that I have failed to keep in touch with people who meant so much to me one time, that even in this day of emails, facebook and twitter, i can still look at the profile of a person i used to love and let it go without a thumbs up, a friend request or a line on their Wall.

-that i have wasted most of my two-year study leave on anything but studies.

-that I am still unable to finish a project that originally had a December 2011 deadline.

-that unless Im pushed and pulled and made responsible for something, I find it easier to let go than to hold on.

-that I find it hard to go to bed every night and would rather while away my time on the least productive of activities even though I love to sleep.

-that I am so lazy

-that I am in such a mood as to put out stuff that are slightly personal in the virtual world

..and I will probably live to regret this very post but im clicking the 'Publish Post' button anyway...spot on at 5:55 am.